garlow blog

Recieved this 'agony aunt' spoof from my wife today...

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition , Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6 I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled User.
______________________________________

REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

Just a reminder, tonight I will be broadcasting from glycon.co.uk from 9 till 11pm, UK time. Tune in, and log onto the glyconblog to leave feedback, request tracks, and so on. I'll also be available during the broadcast via MSN - to add me to your list, input djgarlo@gmail.com.

I love this kind of stuff. This link is about eBaum's World, a site notorious for stealing web content without acknowledgement as well as making loads of cash from it's advertising. Have a read.

http://www.ytmnd.com/news/?news_id=17

More daft stuff from b3ta: DRUGS

Has anyone else seen those national health service adverts? They've been around for a while now, but i noticed one again the other day on the way into work. It has the nhs logo, and the one i saw had a close up of a slightly sinister looking lady smiling, who i presumed was a nurse or something. Then the slogan in big letters says "Where there's a will, there's a way". Its not until you read the smallprint that you would discover it's an ad for an nhs non-smoking service, rather than for a kindly lady who will ease granny's passing with a suffocating pillow hug. I told my wife about it, pondering whether or not they do focus groups for their adverts. I can't be the only one whose mind works that way, but she reckons not everyone has as sick an imagination as i do. I wonder what the biddies who get put into carehomes would think of it, especially the ones whose eyesight doesnt allow them to read that smallprint.

Check out this from Fatal Attraction's blog. It's full of great pictures.

Hello folks

You should check out this lassies' blog. She's got bonny wee pictures of herself, has a thing for trucks and calls her office the orifice. Rofl, and yay for new vocab and trrrrrucks. Thanks, Messy Jessy.

Me, I'm more into buses. Biig, double decker buses. These mammoths of the roads are just like banner ads except they can kill you.

One of the better flame-wars I've seen has broken out over on Kieron Gillen's games review blog. Some of the flames are really quite clever. Read it here.

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This is something else I found on B3ta:

It's the logo for The Brazilian Institute for Oriental Studies.